correction

A full 2/5 of my students failed in the final accounting. Further accounting of the 4th quarter breakdown to follow.

3rd quarter - order up

Well, kiddies, it's accounting time again. The third quarter has ended, LEAP week has passed, and soon there will be report card conferences. I have some mixed feelings about this past quarter for multiple reasons. One is that I feel that I cut them a big break by not giving a quarterly exam in anticipation of iLEAP. Another is that grades are looking up, I believe, on account of this. My quarter exams (well, exams in general) have high failure rates simply because my children are horrifically bad at taking tests, as a rule. Their retention is poor and their interest in the subject, despite bribery and coercion and every sort of trickery I know, is lower than the average.

(Side note: never ask your students what their favorite and/or best subject is at the beginning of the school year. They will lie.)

When all is tallied, however, I do feel that there has been a continuing trend of improvement from almost all of my students and I feel that their grades should reflect that. Even if it is just moving from an F to a D. For some of my kids that tiny uptick can make all the difference in their morale which, I hope, will keep them moving toward at least a C this final quarter of the year so that I can feel justified in passing as many students as possible. Who wants to fail a kid who has already failed so much? But if they fail, I'll do it. I won't reward apathy. I refuse.

But enough of the rambles. Let's crunch some numbers. Allow me to include here, an accounting of the grade scale that we operate under:

100 - 93%: A
92 - 85%: B
84 - 75%: C
74 - 70%: D
below 69%: F

First through Third Quarter stats are as follows:

1st Quarter: 30 Fs, 10 Ds, 3 Cs, 4 Bs, 2 As (49 Students)
2nd Quarter: 20 Fs, 10 Ds, 10 Cs, 8 Bs, 2 As (50 Students)
3rd Quarter: 3 Fs, 12 Ds, 18 Cs, 13 Bs, 4 As (50 students)

I would like to believe that this is a dramatic turn-around. And it is, but only sorta kinda. Had I given an exam, I would see considerably more Fs, more Cs, and would probably have my previous quarters' As. Also, I am still refining my grading system to be a more accurate reflection of the students' progress. This isn't something that they teach you in your teacher crash course. You just have to figure it out on your own and by talking to other teachers and they all have their own ideas. Mine is improving, I think. (Also, if any teacher ever tells you that they don't tweak their grades occasionally with clever number crunching - they are lying.) One of my As is a pleasant surprise, some of my Bs should be As but just couldn't quite squeak it. One of my Ds is a big disappointment because one of my kids is slipping. Most of my Cs have been well-earned and many of the Bs are also pleasant surprises, though they were greatly benefited by the lack of exam. Still, I won't begrudge my kids a taste of success. Our grade scale is a bitch.

Anyway, there it is.

manthano : learn

Not a very consistent blogger, am I?

Getting into my second week back at school, back at work, and as always no one day is like the day before. I'm never sure what insulting, insane, dangerous, funny, weird, stupid, brilliant, surprising, disappointing, maddening new tricks my children are going to come up with. Second quarter grades are up and there are disappointments and there are small victories. I find that, though quarter exam grades continue to be disappointing and discouraging, overall I am beginning to see students climb their way up the grade scale. Final grade stats for my first and second quarters are as follows:

1st Quarter: 30 Fs, 10 Ds, 3 Cs, 4 Bs, 2 As (49 Students)
2nd Quarter: 20 Fs, 10 Ds, 10 Cs, 8 Bs, 2 As (50 Students)

From 9 passing to 20 passing? At least two of my students labeled special education went from Fs to a B or C. At least one of my 504 students went from an F to a C. A few Fs raised themselves to Ds. I only have one or two who passed last quarter that did not pass this quarter and the one I know of was only in school for the last two weeks of the 1st quarter so he didn't get a chance to show his true colors before grades. I have a couple of F and D students who I can focus on now, knowing better their weaknesses and knowing who is willing to try and who just fucks around. Looking at these numbers, I finally feel like maybe I'm getting through somewhere, some little bit, even if I can't see it on a day-to-day basis and have to crunch numbers to see it. It should also be noted that Ds are not considered passing at our school as far as I know, though for some of my students I think there should be an exception, as below 75% is considered a D.

I hate to say that as a teacher I would ever pick and choose students to favor, but it is in fact true that I have about 6 students that I really feel that I can help out of the F/D hole with some more effort. I guess that goes back to a phrase that public school teachers unfortunately use a lot in this town (at least in my experience) and I'm sure it comes up in other high needs areas around the world. "You can't save them all," they tell you. And at first you think that for you it will be different but it never is. It's impossible. Kids still fall through the cracks and we can't always find the magic button that gets through to them. It's an impossible task especially as a first year teacher. I am seeing more and more the ways that my current students are disadvantaged by my inexperience, ways I will do it differently next time, ways to do things better. But I've just got to suck it up and take on the things I can take on. So I've got my handful of "project" children--children I think I can help pass 6th grade math with just a little more effort and some different strategies on my part. The others, well, I can do what I can and after that it is mostly up to them and up to their parents to take responsibility. I can only do so much.

I can only do my job. I can't be Wonder Woman.

On a slightly different note, my master teacher shared a surprisingly timely tidbit with me at our meeting yesterday. She told me that she didn't really feel comfortable teaching, didn't really know that it was the job for her, until after her third year. And it was just so comforting to hear that coming from her because she is amazing with the kids. To know that she was uncertain, that she thought about quitting, made it a little easier to think that I can survive this for at least the three years I am committed to surviving. First year is always tough for everybody, and maybe the 2nd year won't be much better, and after that isn't gonna be a magic transformation either, but maybe at least I can hope that I didn't make the wrong choice. It's a slow process, settling into this new teaching skin.

But I made another symbolic step for myself on Saturday. Took myself a little trip to Electric Ladyland and got the complimentary tattoo to the ink I had done in June. Check out Ed - he was completely awesome through the entire process, making this my most fun tattoo ever (and I do love getting inked). I owe him a rollergirl photo.

I teach. I learn.

report cards

Today was report card conferences. Two parents from my homeroom class came to collect their child's report card. One of those volunteers/works at school. Other parents from other homerooms came in but most didn't stop to talk. Just took their kid's failed test and left. I want to cry just looking at the math grades in comparison to most students' other grades. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong to give out all those Fs.

Today I feel like shit. Just personally, I felt like shit about today. The kids were little bastards all day. And the parents, by their absence, proved to me why this is the case.

Also, kids call each other 'white' as an insult. In front of me. This really, really fucking upsets me.

D is back in my class from his suspension - the effect was immediate and immediately bad. I waver from hour to hour. For one moment I know that this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, for the next I think I've made the biggest mistake ever. This teaching stuff, it's an emotional backflip for me. Cool and collected and stern and unfazed and as motherly/teacherly as I know how to be on the outside. Just shattered and frustrated on the inside. Simultaneously energized and exhausted.

Education, you will make a wreck of me yet.