the long stretch to thanksgiving

There is so much that I want to blog. But I choose my kids. My sanity. Sleep.

There have been some big disappointments. There is disillusionment. They test me everyday and this year I try to stand at a distance, to keep my emotions out of the picture. And then I get home and I tell Unapologetic about it all and he tells me, "Tell me about it, don't relive it!" But that is difficult - not reliving the frustrations of everyday. Because there is no time to process these things. You are constantly flying by the seat of your damn pants, you are constantly a step behind and trying to make up for others' shortcomings and your own. You are constantly being let down by the people who claim to support you. Because it is just too much to ask with so little to work with.

The last presidential debate set me on edge over a few comments. McCain's offhand comment that somehow New Orleans is a fucking education success story made me wretch. Bullshit! Yes, some parts of New Orleans are coming along but anyone who knows anything about New Orleans education 'system' knows that success is quite a ways down the road. No informed person would look at the changes here and announce "Mission Accomplished" in our schools. I lose respect for McCain day by day. He does not speak for me - he does not understand me and mine. Is education the only issue I'm concerned about? Of course not, but it's certainly the subject on my mind the most.

Lately, I have entertained the idea of getting a masters in Special Education. Our Special Ed services are absolutely inadequate for our needs. My kids are getting forgotten, marginalized, and receive a half-assed education. It angers me daily. It's hard not to beat yourself up about it.

I hear endless complaints about the other 6th grade teacher. And I feel helpless to change anything. I love my kids but I don't love their cruelty.

I also think about the possibilities of adult education. I want to try any number of things. I want to do everything but I can't. I hate having to choose. I hate feeling like I can't do enough because I look around and I see that others don't have the same urgency, don't seem to get that "okay" is just not good enough. Our kids can't compete on what passes for an "okay" education in this town.

I'm ranting. I'm exhausted. I have so many stories to tell. But I'm trying to just tell and not relive...it is too painful to do.