Wednesday, April 09, 2008

square one

Today was horrible. I wish I had something more reflective and educational to say about it, but I don't. I also am long overdue to do some proper blogging about the things I brought home from the CEC conference. Instead, I offer a formula for math teacher misery:

Where c represents the number of changes in routine throughout a given school day, s represents the total number of students a teacher is responsible for teaching in a day, a is the number of absent faculty who teach the same students, r is the number of unavailable substitutes required to monitor said students, and x represents fourth quarter daily average spring fever levels* -

[cs + (a + r)^2] * x^2 = m

*spring fever is measured on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the lowest (students sleeping on desks) and 10 being the highest (teachers are keeping security guards posted at the doors to maintain order).

In the given formula, m will be equal to the math teacher's daily misery level. Values of m surpassing 7,000 dmu (daily misery units) may result in increased door-slamming and erratic behavior. Values that approach or exceed 8,000 dmu have been linked in completely unscientific studies to an increased likelihood that the given math teacher will be forced to leave the room before she either a)grabs a child by the throat or b)sobs uncontrollably in frustration.

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